Find the Pattern: What Happens Before You Make the Same Choice Again?

The behavior you want to change might not be where the story begins.

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Have you ever promised yourself you wouldn’t do something again?

Maybe you decided to stop procrastinating.

Maybe you told yourself you wouldn’t spend money just because you were having a bad day.

Maybe you promised to stop reacting defensively whenever someone questioned your opinion.

You meant it.

You really did.

And then something happened.

Before you knew it, you were doing the same darn thing again.

Sound familiar?

Here’s something worth considering:

What if the behavior you’ve been trying to change isn’t actually where the problem begins?

What if it’s simply the part of the pattern you’ve learned to recognize?

The Behavior Is Only Part of the Story

Imagine this.

You’ve had a long, frustrating day.

Something at work didn’t go the way you expected. Someone said something that bothered you. Maybe you didn’t accomplish what you intended.

You get home.

You sit down.

You reach for your phone.

Twenty minutes become forty.

Forty become ninety.

Eventually, you look at the clock and think:

Well, there goes another evening.

Now, you could call that procrastination.

You could tell yourself you need more discipline.

You could promise to do better tomorrow.

But what if we looked a little closer?

What happened before you reached for the phone?

You were frustrated.

You were tired.

Maybe you felt disappointed in yourself.

And scrolling offered something appealing.

A distraction.

A little relief.

A chance to stop thinking about everything that didn’t go right.

Suddenly, the behavior makes a little more sense.

That doesn’t mean it was the best choice.

It means there was more happening than simply picking up a phone.

And that is where awareness becomes useful.

Four Parts of a Pattern Worth Exploring

Not every behavior follows the same sequence, but many recurring behaviors can be examined through four useful questions.

1. The Trigger: What Happened?

Something gets your attention.

It might be a situation, a conversation, a memory, a particular place, or even a familiar time of day.

Sometimes the trigger is obvious.

Other times, it happens so quickly that you barely notice it.

2. The Thought or Feeling: What Happened Inside?

The trigger may bring up frustration, fear, excitement, embarrassment, boredom, or a familiar thought.

Maybe you think:

I’m not good enough.

They don’t respect me.

I deserve something nice.

I’ll deal with it tomorrow.

You might not even recognize the thought until after you’ve acted.

3. The Behavior: What Did You Do?

This is usually the part we notice first.

You avoided the conversation.

You made the purchase.

You procrastinated.

You got defensive.

You reached for your phone.

And because the behavior is visible, that’s often where we direct all our attention.

4. The Consequence: What Happened Next?

Here’s where things get interesting.

The behavior may have offered something immediately.

Relief.

Comfort.

Approval.

Distraction.

A sense of control.

But what did it cost later?

Time?

Money?

An opportunity?

A relationship?

Your peace of mind?

Sometimes a behavior continues because its immediate reward is more noticeable than its eventual consequence.

And sometimes that consequence creates another trigger, beginning the cycle again.

Trigger → Thought or Feeling → Behavior → Consequence

Then, perhaps, repeat.

The purpose of recognizing this sequence isn’t to label yourself.

It’s to discover where a different choice might become possible.

Why Understanding Your Habits Matters

The National Institutes of Health explains that changing habits often involves recognizing existing behaviors, identifying obstacles, and tracking what happens as you work toward change.

One particularly useful recommendation is to pay attention to how you feel while engaging in a behavior.

That matters because the behavior alone may not tell the whole story.

I encourage you to explore this resource, especially its discussion of tracking behaviors and identifying obstacles.

You don’t have to agree with every approach to take something useful from it.

For our purposes, we’re beginning with one simple idea:

Before trying to change the behavior, learn something about the pattern.

A Small Awareness Exercise

Here’s something you can try today.

Choose one behavior you recognize as recurring in your life.

Not your biggest problem.

Not the one you’ve been fighting for twenty years.

Just something familiar.

The next time you notice it, ask yourself four questions:

1. What happened right before this?
2. What was I thinking or feeling?
3. What did I do?
4. What did that choice offer me, and what did it cost?

That’s it.

You don’t need to keep score.

You don’t need to promise you’ll never do it again.

And you certainly don’t need another reason to criticize yourself.

You’re gathering information.

If you recognize the pattern after the behavior has already happened, that’s still useful.

If you recognize it while it’s happening, even better.

And if someday you recognize it before you act?

Well, now we’re getting somewhere.

Because awareness doesn’t make the choice for you.

It helps you recognize that a choice exists.

Explore the 13 Hidden Patterns

I’ve spent years studying human behavior, choices, and the influences that shape our everyday lives.

One thing I’ve come to appreciate is that many of the behaviors we struggle with aren’t isolated events.

They can be connected to recurring influences we rarely stop to examine.

Pride.

Envy.

Fear of criticism.

Fear of poverty.

Fear of losing love.

Desire.

Comfort.

The need to be right.

These influences don’t always announce themselves.

Sometimes they quietly shape our reactions long before we realize we’ve made a decision.

That’s part of what inspired me to create The 13 Hidden Patterns That Quietly Control Your Life.

And now I’ve taken that guide a step further.

I’ve created a free interactive companion workbook.

Instead of simply reading about the patterns, you can explore them through guided questions, everyday situations, personal reflections, and small action steps.

You can work at your own pace, and your written reflections stay in your browser.

But here’s the part I especially like:

You can try the interactive demo before signing up.

Visit the Asdabbi homepage, explore the demo, and see whether the experience is something you’d like to continue.

If it is, you can join my free newsletter, A Message from Magus G.Mack, confirm your email subscription, and receive access to the complete interactive workbook.

No purchase required. No workbook download necessary.

​Explore the Free Workbook Demo and Join the Newsletter at Asdabbi.com​

The Moment You Recognize the Pattern

I want to leave you with a thought.

Imagine you’re having a conversation.

Someone challenges something you believe.

You feel that familiar irritation.

Your mind starts preparing a response before the other person has finished speaking.

Normally, you might interrupt.

You might become defensive.

You might turn a simple disagreement into an argument.

But this time, something different happens.

You recognize the feeling.

There it is.

That familiar reaction.

That familiar urge to defend yourself.

And for just a moment, you recognize what’s happening before you act.

You haven’t solved every problem.

You haven’t eliminated the emotion.

You haven’t suddenly become a different person.

But you’ve noticed something that previously operated almost automatically.

Now you have an opportunity to choose what happens next.

That’s the value of finding the pattern.

Not perfection.

Not instant transformation.

Just a little more awareness of the influences shaping your choices.

And sometimes, that little bit of awareness is the beginning of a very different outcome.

One brick at a time.

One choice at a time.

Movement Creates Momentum.

Until next time,

Magus G.Mack

Don’t Be Like Me…Be Better.