The Pattern You Didn’t Know You Were Practicing

Awareness isn’t only about noticing what you do. It’s about noticing what keeps teaching you to do it.

Have you ever caught yourself doing something you promised yourself you weren’t going to do again?

Maybe you reacted the same way.

Avoided the same conversation.

Put something off.

Spent money you meant to save.

Reached for the same comfort.

Went back to the same person.

Or made another decision that left you wondering:

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​Why do I keep doing this?

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I’ve asked myself that question more times than I can count.

But lately, I’ve started wondering if we’re asking it too late.

Maybe the pattern didn’t begin when we did the thing.

Maybe it began a few seconds earlier.

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What Happened Five Seconds Earlier?

Think about one of your own patterns.

Not necessarily something huge.

It could be as simple as checking your phone when you’re supposed to be working.

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You notice yourself scrolling and think:

Here I go again.

But rewind...

What happened before you picked up the phone?

Were you bored?

Did the work become difficult?

Did a notification appear?

Did you become frustrated?

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Did you suddenly remember something you didn’t want to deal with?

Maybe picking up the phone wasn’t the beginning of the pattern.

Maybe it was already underway.

That changes the question.

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Instead of only asking:

Why did I do that?

We can also ask:

What happened immediately before I did it?

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The Pattern Before the Pattern

We tend to recognize patterns by their outcomes.

The argument.

The purchase.

The procrastination.

The relationship.

The food.

The drink.

The angry response.

The decision we regret five minutes later.

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Those are easy to see because something happened.

But what if we rewind the tape?

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You were criticized.

Then you became defensive.

Then you said something you regretted.

Or…

You became overwhelmed.

Then a thought appeared:

I’ll deal with this later.

Then you avoided the problem.

Or…

You felt lonely.

Then you started remembering someone.

Then you picked up the phone.

Or…

You became afraid of making the wrong decision.

Then you started imagining everything that could go wrong.

Then you decided not to make a decision at all.

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We usually notice the final action.

But there may have been an entire chain of influences leading to it.

Situation → Influence → Reaction → Choice → Consequence

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And if that sequence happens often enough, eventually we may stop noticing the individual pieces.

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It just becomes:

What I do.

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Sometimes the Situation Becomes Part of the Habit

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There’s some interesting behavioral research behind this.

Research on habits suggests that when we repeatedly perform behaviors in similar circumstances, cues in our environment can become associated with those behaviors. Eventually, the situation itself can help trigger the familiar response with less conscious deliberation.

The American Psychological Association has a useful discussion with psychologist Wendy Wood about the science of habits and how repeated behaviors can become automatic⁠.

That fascinates me.

Because it means sometimes we aren’t simply practicing a behavior.

We’re practicing a response to something.

The same feeling.

The same environment.

The same thought.

The same person.

The same fear.

The same time of day.

The same uncomfortable situation.

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Something happens.

Something inside us responds.

And eventually the distance between the two can become so small that we barely notice there was a decision in between.

This Is What September’s Challenge Is Really About

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At the beginning of this month, I invited you to participate in our September Awareness Challenge.

The purpose wasn’t to spend September trying to fix everything you don’t like about yourself.

It was much simpler.

Notice.

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Pay attention to the thoughts, emotions, fears, habits, reactions, and influences moving through your everyday life.

If you haven’t read the September Awareness Challenge yet, and join us.

And if you’ve already been participating, I want to add something to the experiment.

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Don’t only notice what you do.

Start noticing what happens before you do it.

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Try This for the Next 24 Hours

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I’m not asking you to break a habit.

I’m not asking you to eliminate a fear.

I’m not asking you to control every emotion.

And I’m definitely not asking you to become a completely different person by tomorrow morning.

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For the next 24 hours, I want you to do something much smaller.

When you catch yourself doing something familiar, ask:

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​What happened immediately before this?

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That’s it.

Maybe you’ll notice boredom.

Maybe criticism.

Maybe fear.

Maybe stress.

Maybe a notification.

Maybe somebody’s tone of voice.

Maybe an uncomfortable thought.

Maybe you’ll discover something completely unexpected.

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Don’t judge it.

Don’t fight it.

Don’t immediately try to fix it.

Just see if you can find it.

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You Can’t Choose What You Can’t See

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This is where awareness becomes powerful.

If all I recognize is the behavior, then my options seem pretty limited.

Do it.​
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Or…

Don’t do it.

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And then I get frustrated with myself when I do it again.

But once I begin seeing the sequence, there may be more opportunities for choice than I realized.

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​Something happens.

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An influence appears.

A familiar response begins.

And somewhere inside that process there may be a moment—sometimes a very small one—where I can pause.

The trigger may still happen.

Fear may still speak.

The emotion may still arrive.

The thought may still appear.

The notification may still light up the screen.

The person may still say the thing that irritates me.

Awareness doesn’t necessarily make any of that disappear.

But now I can see it.

And what I can see, I can examine.

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I can ask:

What is influencing me right now?

Do I want to give it authority?

What will this choice create?

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That’s a very different experience from waking up five minutes later wondering:

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​Why did I do that again?

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Maybe Change Begins Earlier Than We Think

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We often imagine change happening at the moment of decision.

Choose better.

React differently.

Have more discipline.

Use more willpower.

And sometimes that’s exactly what we need.

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But I’m beginning to think some of our most important work happens earlier.

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Before the reaction.

Before the decision.

Before the consequence.

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At the moment when something familiar first begins influencing us.

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That’s why awareness matters.

It gives us a chance to recognize the pattern before the pattern finishes playing out.

And maybe changing your life doesn’t always begin with making a better decision.

Maybe sometimes it begins a few seconds earlier.

With noticing what has been making that decision so predictable.

So for the next 24 hours, don’t worry about becoming someone different.

Just catch yourself being yourself.

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Then ask:

What happened immediately before this?

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You might be surprised by what you notice.

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Until Next Time,

— Magus G.Mack

Making Life More Fun and Enjoyable