What If You Could See the Pattern Before You Repeated It?

One familiar habit, one hidden influence, and a small challenge that could change how you see your everyday choices.

Have you ever said yes when everything inside you was screaming no?

Maybe someone asked you for a favor.

You were already exhausted.

Your schedule was full.

You had something important planned.

And before you even considered whether you could help, you heard yourself saying:

“Sure! No problem!”

Meanwhile, the little voice inside your head was screaming:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! WE DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THIS! 😂

Sound familiar?

Throughout October, we’ve been exploring something interesting.

The behavior we want to change might not be where the story begins.

Sometimes there’s a familiar thought.

An uncomfortable feeling.

A fear we haven’t recognized.

And before we realize what’s happening, we’ve made the same choice again.

But what if we could recognize that influence before acting?

Today, I’d like to introduce you to Linda.

And then I’d like to show you how to explore a pattern of your own.

Meet Linda: Everybody’s Favorite Helper

Linda is a fictional character, but you might recognize someone like her.

She’s the dependable one.

Need someone to watch the dog?

Call Linda.

Need a ride to an appointment?

Linda will figure something out.

Need someone to bring an extra dish to the family gathering?

Linda’s probably already planning the menu.

She genuinely enjoys helping people.

And that’s a wonderful quality.

There’s just one little problem.

Linda has a terrible habit of volunteering her time before checking whether she actually has any available.

One Thursday afternoon, she was sitting at her kitchen table looking over her calendar.

It had been a busy week.

Work.

Appointments.

Errands.

Family obligations.

But Saturday morning?

Saturday morning was hers.

She was looking forward to sleeping a little later, enjoying a cup of coffee, and spending some time in her garden.

Then her phone rang.

It was her sister.

“Linda, could you help me with something Saturday morning?”

Linda looked at her calendar.

She thought about her garden.

Her coffee.

Her peaceful morning.

And immediately answered:

“Of course! I’d be happy to!”

She hung up.

Looked at her calendar again.

And sighed.

“Why do I keep doing that?”

What Happened Before Linda Said Yes?

Now, Linda could have criticized herself.

She could have said:

I need to grow a backbone.

I have to stop letting people take advantage of me.

I’m never doing that again.

But we’ve spent October practicing something different.

Curiosity.

Instead of immediately trying to fix the behavior, Linda asked herself:

What happened right before I said yes?

At first, she couldn’t think of anything.

Her sister asked for help.

She agreed.

End of story.

Except it wasn’t.

Linda remembered feeling uncomfortable when her sister mentioned Saturday.

She wanted to explain that she already had plans.

But another thought appeared almost immediately.

What if she thinks I’m selfish?

Then another.

What if she gets upset with me?

And another.

What if she stops asking me for help?

Linda sat quietly for a moment.

“Well, I’ll be darned.”

She hadn’t been thinking about whether she wanted to help.

She’d been thinking about what might happen if she didn’t.

That’s a very different discovery.

The Pattern Behind the Choice

One of the thirteen patterns explored in Beyond Sin and its interactive companion workbook is Fear of Criticism.

It’s an interesting influence because it doesn’t always announce itself as fear.

Sometimes it sounds like responsibility.

Sometimes it sounds like politeness.

Sometimes it sounds like:

I don’t want to disappoint anybody.

And sometimes it hides inside something genuinely good, like generosity.

Linda really does enjoy helping people.

But enjoying helping people and fearing their disappointment are two different influences.

They can even exist together.

So here’s the question Linda began exploring:

Am I choosing to help because I want to, or because I’m afraid of what someone might think if I don’t?

Notice what we’re doing here.

We’re not deciding that helping is wrong.

We’re not suggesting Linda should become selfish.

We’re examining what influenced the decision.

Because two people can make the same choice for very different reasons.

And the same person can make that choice for different reasons on different days.

That’s why understanding the pattern matters.

Let’s Put the Interactive Workbook to Work

When I created 13 Hidden Patterns That Quietly Control Your Life, I wanted readers to have something practical.

Not another list of everything they’re supposedly doing wrong.

Not a collection of rules they’re expected to follow perfectly.

Something that encourages curiosity.

A place to explore familiar influences, consider everyday situations, answer reflection questions, and notice how those influences appear in their own lives.

That’s why I developed the free interactive companion workbook.

And Linda’s experience gives us a useful example of how someone might approach it.

Imagine Linda opening the workbook and choosing Fear of Criticism from the thirteen patterns.

Rather than rushing through everything, she takes her time exploring that one subject.

She reads the material.

Considers the guided reflections.

And thinks about her sister’s phone call.

As she works through the experience, she begins asking herself:

What was I afraid would happen if I said no?

Did my sister actually criticize me?

Or was I imagining criticism before anyone had said anything?

How often do I make decisions to avoid disappointing someone?

These are questions Linda can use to investigate her experience alongside the workbook’s guided material.

And perhaps she writes a reflection like this:

“I noticed that when someone asks me for help, I sometimes agree before considering my own schedule. I think I’m afraid they’ll be disappointed if I say no.”

That’s it.

One observation.

She hasn’t solved every problem.

She hasn’t discovered the secret to human behavior.

But she’s recognized something she didn’t see before.

And that’s exactly what we’ve been working toward this month.

What Did Linda Actually Discover?

Let’s revisit October’s four-part pattern.

1. The Trigger

Linda’s sister asked for help on Saturday morning.

2. The Thought or Feeling

Linda felt uncomfortable and worried her sister might think she was selfish.

3. The Behavior

She immediately agreed without considering her own plans.

4. The Consequence

She gave up her free morning and felt frustrated with herself afterward.

But there’s another detail worth noticing.

Saying yes may also have offered Linda something immediately.

Relief.

She didn’t have to risk an uncomfortable conversation.

She didn’t have to worry about disappointing her sister.

At least, not in that moment.

So the choice had both an immediate benefit and a later cost.

And perhaps that’s one reason she kept repeating it.

Now she has something useful to investigate.

Not simply:

Why can’t I say no?

But:

What am I trying to avoid when I say yes?

That’s a question worth exploring.

Your Turn: The 10-Minute Pattern Discovery

Now I’d like to invite you to try a small challenge.

Ten minutes.

One pattern.

One observation.

No promises to change your entire life.

No pressure to get everything right.

Just a little curiosity.

Step 1: Visit Asdabbi.com

Start by exploring the free interactive workbook demo.

You can see how the experience works before deciding whether you’d like to continue with the complete workbook.

If you want full access, join A Message From Magus G.Mack and confirm your email subscription.

The workbook is free, and no purchase or download is required.

​EXPLORE THE FREE INTERACTIVE WORKBOOK → Asdabbi.com​

Step 2: Choose One Pattern

Once you have access to the complete workbook, choose one of the thirteen patterns.

Maybe it’s Pride.

Maybe it’s Fear of Criticism.

Maybe it’s Envy.

Maybe it’s Fear of Poverty.

Or perhaps another pattern catches your attention.

Don’t worry about choosing the perfect one.

Pick something that makes you think:

Yeah…that sounds familiar.

Step 3: Explore One Part

Read a section of the workbook.

Consider the everyday examples and guided reflection questions.

You don’t need to complete an entire chapter.

You don’t need to explore all thirteen patterns.

Remember, we’re not racing.

We’re investigating.

Step 4: Write One Observation

If you’re comfortable, use the workbook’s reflection area to record something you’ve noticed.

It might be a familiar thought.

A feeling.

A situation that keeps repeating.

Or something the behavior seems to offer you.

Your written reflections are saved in your browser, so you can return to them using the same browser and device.

Keep in mind that clearing your browser’s site data or changing devices can remove locally saved reflections.

Step 5: Watch for the Pattern

Now go about your normal life.

Pay attention to whether that influence appears again.

Maybe you notice it after making a choice.

Maybe you notice it while making the choice.

And maybe, eventually, you notice it before acting.

All three observations can teach you something.

Because the goal isn’t to catch yourself doing something wrong.

It’s to recognize what you’ve been doing without noticing.

What Does Research Tell Us About Changing Habits?

There’s a reason I’ve spent so much time encouraging observation before change.

The National Institutes of Health provides a useful guide called Changing Your Habits for Better Health.

Among its recommendations are tracking behavior, identifying obstacles, and paying attention to how you feel while engaging in a behavior.

Those observations can help people better understand the circumstances surrounding their habits.

And that connects directly with October’s Awareness Challenge.

Sometimes we focus so heavily on what we did that we overlook what happened before it.

But once we begin recognizing the situations, thoughts, and feelings associated with recurring behaviors, we have more information to work with.

You don’t need to adopt every suggestion in that resource.

For now, I encourage you to pay particular attention to the discussion of tracking behaviors and recognizing obstacles.

Because we’re not trying to change everything today.

We’re learning what there is to change.

The Next Time Linda’s Phone Rings

Let’s imagine something.

A few days later, Linda’s phone rings again.

Another friend needs help.

Normally, Linda might answer before the person finishes asking.

But this time, something happens.

She notices that familiar discomfort.

That little worry about disappointing someone.

And instead of immediately saying yes, she answers:

“Let me check my schedule and get back to you.”

Nothing dramatic.

No argument.

No grand declaration about boundaries.

Just a moment to consider her decision.

Maybe she’ll still help.

Maybe she’ll discover she doesn’t have time.

Maybe she’ll offer another day.

But this time, she’ll have an opportunity to consider what she actually wants and what she can reasonably do.

The difference isn’t necessarily the answer she gives.

It’s the awareness she brings to making the decision.

And that is something worth celebrating.

What Does This Have to Do With Beyond Sin?

Quite a bit, actually.

In Beyond Sin: Breaking Fear, Escaping Hell, and Building Heaven Through Daily Choice, I explore the Seven Deadly Sins as recurring emotional and behavioral patterns, along with the Six Ghosts of Fear that can influence our choices.

The central idea isn’t that people should spend their lives feeling guilty about every mistake.

It’s that our actions have consequences.

Our influences matter.

And awareness can help us participate more intentionally in what happens next.

The interactive workbook offers a practical way to explore those ideas through everyday experiences.

You don’t have to agree with every idea in the book to benefit from asking better questions about your choices.

And you certainly don’t need to become a different person overnight.

Start by becoming a little more aware of the person making the decisions.

That’s enough for today.

Before We Meet Again

Next Wednesday, we’ll reach the end of October’s Awareness Challenge.

And I want to remind you of something.

At the beginning of the month, I didn’t ask you to eliminate a bad habit.

I didn’t ask you to fix yourself.

I asked you to choose one recurring pattern and get curious about it.

That’s still the assignment.

Maybe you’ve noticed a familiar trigger.

Maybe you’ve recognized an uncomfortable feeling.

Maybe you’ve discovered that a behavior offers temporary relief.

Maybe you’ve realized that fear, comfort, pride, or another influence has been shaping decisions you thought were entirely your own.

Or maybe you’re still trying to recognize what happens before the behavior.

That’s okay.

You don’t need a dramatic success story.

You don’t need to report that you’ve finally conquered something.

You only need to consider one question:

What did your pattern teach you?

That’s where we’re heading next Wednesday.

Until then, remember Linda.

She didn’t become a different person.

She simply began recognizing something about herself that she hadn’t noticed before.

And that gave her another place to choose.

One brick at a time.

One choice at a time.

Movement Creates Momentum.

Until next time,

Magus G.Mack

Don’t Be Like Me…Be Better.