What Did The Pattern Teach You?

Sometimes the greatest discovery isn’t what you managed to change. It’s what you finally learned to see.

Well, here we are.

Another month coming to an end.

And if you’ve been following our Awareness Challenges, you know what that means.

It’s time to look back.

At the beginning of October, I asked you to do something a little different.

I didn’t ask you to break a bad habit.

I didn’t ask you to eliminate a behavior or become a better version of yourself in thirty-one days.

I simply asked you to find one recurring pattern in your life.

Watch it.

Get curious about it.

Notice when it appeared and what seemed to happen before it.

And now, as October comes to a close, I have one question for you.

What did your pattern teach you?

If you missed the beginning of this month’s challenge, you can revisit our original article, October Awareness Challenge: Find the Pattern, before continuing.

Otherwise, let’s see what we discovered.

Did You Find What You Were Looking For?

Maybe you noticed that you procrastinate when you’re worried about failing.

Maybe you discovered that criticism makes you defensive before you’ve even considered whether the other person has a point.

Perhaps you realized that spending money gives you a temporary feeling of control when life seems uncertain.

Or maybe you discovered something completely unexpected.

That behavior you’ve always called laziness?

Sometimes it might have more to do with exhaustion.

That anger you keep experiencing?

Maybe it’s connected to fear.

That constant need to help everyone?

Perhaps, somewhere underneath your generosity, there’s a fear of disappointing someone.

Or maybe you didn’t uncover some great mystery.

Maybe you simply watched yourself repeat something you’ve been doing for years.

And you know what?

That’s worth something, too.

Because there’s a difference between knowing you do something and understanding what leads you to do it.

Knowing the behavior isn’t necessarily the same as recognizing the pattern.

That’s the distinction I hoped we’d begin exploring this month.

Sometimes the Pattern Starts Before You Think

Imagine two people having a conversation.

One challenges the other’s opinion.

Nothing particularly dramatic.

Just a disagreement.

But suddenly, the person being challenged becomes defensive.

Their voice changes.

Their posture changes.

Instead of listening, they’re preparing arguments.

Before long, a simple conversation has become a competition.

Now, that person might walk away thinking:

I really need to stop arguing with people.

And maybe that’s true.

But what if the argument wasn’t where the pattern began?

What if it started when they felt their intelligence was being questioned?

Or when they worried about appearing foolish?

What if being right had become so important that disagreement felt like a personal attack?

Suddenly, we’re looking at something deeper than an argument.

We’re looking at an influence.

And that creates an interesting question.

Am I defending what I believe is true, or am I defending my need to be right?

Those aren’t always the same thing.

And recognizing the difference can open the door to a choice that previously went unnoticed.

What If You Didn’t Change Anything?

Here’s something I particularly want to address.

Suppose you spent October watching your pattern.

You recognized it.

You noticed the situations that seemed to trigger it.

You even understood some of the feelings and thoughts involved.

But you kept repeating the behavior anyway.

Does that mean you failed the challenge?

I don’t think so.

Remember, October wasn’t about defeating your pattern.

It was about understanding it.

And understanding something doesn’t automatically mean you’ve learned how to change it.

Think about learning to ride a bicycle.

You might understand how balancing works.

You might know how to pedal, steer, and use the brakes.

But that doesn’t mean you won’t fall the first few times you try.

Knowledge and practice are different parts of learning.

Recognizing a familiar behavior and responding differently are different parts of change, too.

The National Institutes of Health makes a similar distinction in its guide to changing habits.

The guide describes behavior change as a process that can involve contemplation, preparation, action, and maintenance. It also recommends tracking what you do and how you feel, helping you identify obstacles and opportunities for improvement.

And there’s another important point.

A setback doesn’t mean all your progress has disappeared.

You can read more about that approach here: Changing Your Habits for Better Health — National Institutes of Health​

Although the guide focuses on health-related habits, its discussion of observing behavior and learning from setbacks offers something useful for our Awareness Challenges.

Sometimes progress begins with recognizing something you previously overlooked.

And that’s exactly what we were practicing.

The Door You Never Noticed

Imagine walking through the same room every day for twenty years.

You know where the furniture sits.

You know which floorboards creak.

You know where the light switches are.

You can practically navigate the room with your eyes closed.

Then one afternoon, you notice something.

A door.

It’s been there the entire time.

You simply never paid attention to it.

Now, discovering that door doesn’t mean you’ve walked through it.

It doesn’t mean you know what’s on the other side.

And it certainly doesn’t mean you have to open it.

But something has changed.

You know the door exists.

I think awareness works a little like that.

You might have spent years reacting to criticism with anger.

Responding to fear with avoidance.

Handling stress through distraction.

Or allowing someone else’s expectations to influence your decisions.

The reaction becomes so familiar that you stop recognizing the possibilities surrounding it.

Then one day, you notice what’s happening.

There it is.

The familiar thought.

The uncomfortable feeling.

The urge to respond the way you always have.

And suddenly, you recognize something.

You don’t necessarily have to make the same choice simply because you’ve made it before.

You might still choose the familiar response.

But now you’ve noticed another possibility.

You’ve found the door.

And what you do with that discovery is your choice.

Five Questions to Close October

Before we move into another month, I’d like you to spend a little time reflecting on what you’ve observed.

You don’t need to write an essay.

You don’t need to share your answers.

And you certainly don’t need to pretend October was some life-changing experience if it wasn’t.

Just answer these five questions as thoughtfully as you can.

1. What recurring pattern did I notice?

Describe the behavior without criticizing yourself for it.

2. What usually happened before the pattern appeared?

Think about situations, conversations, thoughts, feelings, or particular circumstances.

3. What did the behavior seem to offer me?

Was it comfort? Relief? Approval? Control? Safety? Distraction? Something else?

4. What consequences did I recognize?

Consider both what happened immediately and what followed afterward.

5. What do I understand now that I wasn’t paying attention to at the beginning of October?

That final question is particularly important.

Because the purpose of this month’s challenge wasn’t to prove that you could change.

It was to discover something about the influences affecting your choices.

And sometimes, what you discover is more valuable than another promise to do better tomorrow.

Your Workbook Doesn’t End With October

Earlier this month, I introduced something I’ve been working on: the interactive version of 13 Hidden Patterns That Quietly Control Your Life.

If you’ve been using the workbook, October’s reflection gives you an excellent opportunity to revisit your observations.

You might discover that a question means something different today than it did when you first answered it.

You might recognize a connection between two patterns that previously seemed unrelated.

Or perhaps a small action you tried revealed something you hadn’t considered.

And if you haven’t explored the workbook yet, don’t worry.

It isn’t going anywhere just because October is ending.

The workbook gives you a place to explore thirteen recurring patterns through guided questions, personal reflections, and small everyday actions.

Your written reflections are saved locally in your browser, so you can return to them using the same browser and device.

You can also try the interactive demo before deciding whether you’d like the complete workbook.

If this is your first time reading A Message From Magus G.Mack, the visit Asdabbi.com to explore the demo and join A Message from Magus G.Mack. Confirming your email subscription gives you free access to the complete experience.

No purchase necessary. No workbook download required.

And there’s no deadline for becoming more aware of your choices.

Four Months. Four Lessons.

Before closing October, I’d like to revisit something we’ve been building together.

Back in July, we started with Awareness.

The idea was simple.

Pay attention to what’s happening in your life instead of moving through every day on autopilot.

Then came August and The Pause.

We explored what might happen if we created a little space between an experience and our response to it.

September brought us to Choice.

Once you’ve noticed what’s happening and given yourself an opportunity to pause, what will you choose to do?

And October brought us to Find the Pattern.

We examined the recurring influences that can shape our decisions before we even realize we’re making them.

Look at how those ideas work together.

Awareness: What is happening?

The Pause: Do I need to respond immediately?

Choice: What do I want to do?

Find the Pattern: What keeps influencing the choices I make?

Four months.

Four different perspectives.

But one common purpose.

Learning to participate more consciously in our own lives.

And here’s something worth remembering.

These aren’t four steps you complete and leave behind.

You may recognize a pattern before you pause.

You may make a choice and only afterward discover the influence behind it.

Sometimes you’ll notice everything happening in the moment.

Other times, understanding won’t arrive until days later.

That’s life.

Awareness isn’t a competition.

There’s no finish line where you’ve finally learned everything about yourself.

There’s always another question worth asking.

One Last Thought Before November

Suppose you’ve spent the past twenty years responding to a particular situation in exactly the same way.

Someone says something.

You feel something.

You react.

And afterward, you deal with whatever consequences follow.

Then, one afternoon, something different happens.

The familiar situation appears.

You feel the familiar emotion.

You recognize the familiar thought.

And just before you react, something catches your attention.

Wait a minute.

I’ve been here before.

For one brief moment, you recognize the pattern.

You haven’t become perfect.

You haven’t solved every problem.

You haven’t even made a different decision yet.

But you’ve noticed something that previously operated without much conscious attention.

And now there’s a question you may not have considered before.

Do I really want to make this choice again?

Maybe the answer is yes.

Maybe it’s no.

Maybe you aren’t sure.

But now you’re participating in a decision that might previously have happened without much thought.

And that’s what I hope October has given you.

Not a new list of things you’re doing wrong.

Not another reason to criticize yourself.

Not an expectation that you should have everything figured out.

Just a little more understanding of what influences the person making your choices.

Because sometimes the greatest change isn’t what you did differently.

It’s what you finally learned to see.

As October comes to an end, don’t worry about whether you successfully eliminated your pattern.

Instead, ask yourself:

What did I learn?

And perhaps, just as importantly:

What might I choose differently now that I know?

We’ll explore more of those possibilities in November.

Until then, keep moving forward.

One observation.

One question.

One choice.

One brick at a time.

Movement Creates Momentum.

— Magus G.Mack

Don’t Be Like Me…Be Better.